Marriage, Where do I start? Assessing the situation…

by | Mar 22, 2023


When was the last time you asked yourself how you are doing in your Marriage? As believers, we are all “under construction” until the day we leave this world and view the next.  Things that we used to do poorly, we improve.  Things that we thought we mastered, drift from the target. This is a simple 15-minute assessment you can complete that will give you some insights into how you perceive your marriage is going. 

 Examples: At the beginning of my marriage, I frequently found myself trying to fix problems that my wife did not have. I would clean the house when my wife was looking for me to sit with her.  I would go charging off to fight some meaningless battle when my wife was only looking for me to acknowledge that she wasn’t crazy. If I’m honest, these types of things still happen when I assume that I understand a situation.  Has it been a while since you stopped “being busy” reacting to all the noise in your life? This is just one small way to be proactive in your most important earthly relationship. 


Focus on the Family has been helping Christian families serve the Lord since 1977.  They have many good resources, but today, I welcome you and your spouse to try this: Marriage Assessment. 

 It is a self-assessment that I would recommend you, and your spouse fill out individually next to one another. At the end, compare the results. 

 This tool will give you a tiny window into communication, nourishing, commitment, and intimacy. Expect your results to be different in parts.  Your spouse is not likely your long-lost twin. However, some disparities will have more meaning. We may not be aware of how our spouse perceives our marriage. Marriage is one of the strongest tools God uses to reveal the truth in our lives.  It’s also one of the relationships He presses us on the most, as it shows how Jesus relates to His Church. Colossians 3 shows us many of these verses. Wives “are reverent, not slanderers, temperate, and faithful in all things.”  Husbands are to “love their wives as Christ loves the church”.  For “…just as the church is subject to Christ…” gives us a direct connection between the relationships.  


When I look back on the nearly 15 years of marriage, I can admit many things. One is that I am not the man I was 15 years ago.  My temperament has changed.  My willingness to admit something that’s bothering me is way up.  I’m not the man I want to be, but Jesus has gently shown me how I can receive more of His counsel. 

 For now, we behold, as in a mirror dimly, but [one day] we will see [Jesus] face to face. Now, I know in part, but [one day] I will know just as I am also known (2 Corinthians 3). Until then, I need to assess my circumstances regularly. Then, I can seek out Jesus purifying work in my marriage. Use this tool to jumpstart some of that work.